Forget Yourself — The Only Way to Follow Jesus

Central Image

The gong in the cafeteria: the night Toby met Missy in 1992 — he forgot himself entirely, stopped seeing through the lens of himself, and could only think about her. That state carries through the entire sermon as the picture of what discipleship, marriage, the Son of Man's service, and Bartimaeus's faith all require.

The Turn

The sermon exposes the assumption that questions about divorce — and everything else in the kingdom — are best solved by doing the algebra of the rules. The real question underneath is whether you've forgotten yourself, or whether the other person is just something that exists for your convenience.

Outline

Forgetting Yourself *(Opening)*

February 13, 1992. ACU cafeteria. Dave dragged Toby out to eat and he didn't want to go — and then across the room he saw Missy, and something went off in him like a gong. No smooth moves, no funny stories, just rapid-fire questions because all he wanted was more of her. Three weeks later they were engaged. He says he hasn't found himself since. The point isn't the love story; it's the state: outside yourself, not running everything through the lens of you. He names that as the frame for the whole stretch of Mark 8 through 10.

Mark 8-10: Seeing and Not Seeing *(Bridge)*

The whole section is a battle over perception — who sees, who doesn't, who understands Jesus and who can't. The question driving everything: are you seeing through the lens of yourself, or can you forget that long enough to see the way Jesus sees?

Divorce *(Mark 10:1-12)*

The Pharisees bring the question as a trap: too lenient and they can wedge Jesus from the popular John the Baptist; too strict and maybe Herod kills him too. Jesus doesn't play the game. He goes back to creation — male and female, one flesh, what God has joined. Then the move that has no parallel anywhere in Judaism: a man who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery *against her*. In a world where the adultery laws made it structurally impossible for a man to commit adultery against his wife, that is a reorganization of everything. The question underneath the rule: is the woman a person you've forgotten yourself for — or is she something to pick up and throw in the waste bin when she stops serving your convenience?

Children *(Mark 10:13-16)*

Placed here on purpose. Jesus, who used Gehenna to terrify adults who would harm children, now holds the little ones and blesses them. The kingdom belongs to those who come like a child — nothing but need, no resume, no pitch for what they add to the operation. Toby lets the placement speak: when men toss women aside for their own convenience, someone else pays. The congregation is invited to notice who's always in the middle of it.

Rich Young Ruler *(Mark 10:17-31, referenced)*

Not preached in detail but named as the contrast: the young man came to the kingdom the exact opposite of how a child comes — with his goodness, his accomplishments, his argument for why he belongs. He came loaded and couldn't let go of any of it.

Third Passion Prediction / Heading to Jerusalem *(Mark 10:32-34)*

Jesus is walking ahead. The disciples are amazed; the crowd behind them is afraid. The lion is on the move. He pulls the twelve aside and tells them plainly: betrayal, chief priests and scribes, condemnation, handed to the Gentiles, mocked, spit on, flogged, killed — and after three days, risen.

James and John's Request *(Mark 10:35-45)*

Right after that, James and John ask Jesus for the seats at his right and left in glory. The other ten hear about it and are disgusted — Toby translates "indignant" for Chester: they were *disgusted*. Toby gives the brothers partial credit: whatever they didn't understand, they still believed Jesus was going somewhere worth asking about. But they couldn't forget themselves. Even with his suffering and death sitting right in front of them, they remembered themselves and said, hey, make sure you remember us too. Jesus's answer: you want to be great, be the servant; you want to be first, be the slave of all. In a world of actual slavery, those words weren't soft metaphors — they stung. And then the line that ends the argument: even the Son of Man didn't come to be served but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many. If the Son of Man himself forgot himself, what do we think our place is?

Blind Bartimaeus *(Mark 10:46-52)*

The climax of three chapters and the template for all of it. Bartimaeus is a blind beggar — no real employment, no status, no path. He'd never been near Jesus, never seen him. But from whatever he'd heard, he'd pieced together that Jesus was the Son of David, the heir to the Davidic throne, the Messiah. He knew Jesus didn't owe him a thing, so he asked for mercy. The crowd rebuked him and told him to shut up; he cried out louder. When Jesus called him, he threw his cloak — the thing spread out to catch whatever coins came his way, his one support system — without thinking about it, and jumped up toward the voice. He called Jesus *Rabboni*: My Rabbi, the intimate form, the kind of address you'd use for someone you know personally. He had never met him. He asked for his sight back. Jesus said go your way; he didn't go his own way, he went Jesus' way. Toby's summary: blind Bartimaeus already saw everything that mattered before Jesus ever healed his eyes. He forgot himself in the presence of Jesus — let go of how he looked, what people thought, his one material support — and entered the kingdom exactly like a child: with nothing but need.

The Gospel and the Call *(Landing)*

We can't add a dime to the riches of Jesus, an iota to his righteousness, anything to his wisdom or power. But when you come with your heart and your need, that's what he receives — on the basis of that and nothing else. The Promise Keepers speaker's line Toby never forgot: too many men are willing to let their marriages die so they can live the life they want, instead of dying to themselves so their marriages can live. The call of the gospel is to be the person who just held the four-pound newborn and suddenly sees everything differently — the only question is what does this one need — and to live like that in all your moments, in all your relationships, even when it's hard.

The Landing

When Jesus looks at you, he forgets himself — that's the gospel and the only reason any of this is possible. The call is to receive that, then turn and look at everyone around you the same way he looks at you.

1. Toby described the night he met Missy in that cafeteria — a gong going off, utterly forgetting himself, no cool moves, just question after question because all he wanted was to know everything about her. Have you ever had a moment like that, where something outside of you pushed you completely out of your own head? What was it?
2. The Pharisees brought the divorce question to trap Jesus, not to understand him. Jesus didn't settle the rules debate — he went back to creation and brought in hardness of heart. What does it tell you that Jesus reframed the question entirely instead of just answering what they asked?
3. Bartimaeus had never been near Jesus, but he'd pieced together enough to know Jesus was the Son of David and that mercy was all he could legitimately ask for. James and John had been with Jesus for months, heard the death-and-resurrection prediction, and still asked for the best seats. What did Bartimaeus have that the disciples couldn't get to?
4. The Promise Keepers speaker said too many men are willing to let their marriages die so they can live the life they want, instead of dying to themselves so their marriages can live. Where in your own life — marriage or otherwise — is that trade-off most alive for you right now?
5. Bartimaeus threw his cloak without thinking — that cloak caught the coins, it was his one support system — and ran toward Jesus. What is the equivalent for you? What are you still holding onto because you're not sure you'd be okay without it?
6. Jesus told his disciples that the Son of Man himself didn't come to be served but to serve — and Toby said the Lord may specifically call you to serve someone you think is a jerk. Who in your life are you most tempted to quietly exempt from that?
7. Toby described the kingdom's invasion as healing, feeding, teaching, and stopping for people nobody else stopped for — Jesus forgetting himself for one person after another. What would it actually look like for this church in Chester to move like that, not just agree with it on Sunday morning?
8. After Bartimaeus got his sight back, he didn't go his own way — he went Jesus' way. Think of one specific person in your life right now whose actual need you could meet this week. Name them, and name the thing.